Still thinking on whether it's better to go home or to stay in the US. Getting an apartment for rent looks tricky - might be easier to buy one if I can scrape the money together. That has advantages in that I can rent it out later.

I have not seen my parents for 5 years and they have reminded me that they are 78. It's great to know they're still rooting for me. I still feel very much like a little fish that's been pulled out of a familiar pond or stream and then after a while in a cosy fishtank been dumped into the middle of the Atlantic. I am in the middle of a totally alien country with an alien culture with nobody around me that I've known for very long. I'm feeling very overwhelmed. The people in the US are wonderful - kind, generous, friendly and interesting. It's just hitting me at the moment that this isn't where I was brought up. I guess I'm missing the miserable weather, the grouchy people, the expensive and bad food of Britain, not to mention the once-a-week bathers.

I'm pulled in two very strong directions... I want to get some US qualifications as it's easier to work and get money in the US than the UK. I also desperately want to see my parents again and possibly to meet my mother's newly-discovered cousin.

At the moment, a cabin in the wilderness with no people around sounds very inviting.