I received an invitation from a Nigerian scammer. Unfortunately I don't have the original any more. I decided to play the fellow along. He'd sent me a scam invitation combined with a questionairre.

I think I can help you with your problem. I'll go through your questions in turn...

I'm sorry. I don't have a phone private enough for us to use for this transaction

If you wish to write, I would prefer not to receive mail at my residential address. Instead, please use PO Box 2141, Irmo SC 29063. This is the only way of ensuring that I get my mail. It is not certain that I'll get my mail at my residential address. For the purposes of this transaction, I think it's better that nobody else knows about it.

I really didn't expect a reply. Surely it was too obvious that I'd filled in the occupation as “prostitute” but no. Greed has no bounds and he replied...

Thank you very much for your response and your interest in this transaction.I promise to give you my best as far as you are committed to this transaction. Like I said before, due to this issue on my hands now, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project, and also to help me in investing my money in your country. You should not have anything to worry about. I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking.

Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up. If you work seriously, the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.

Firstly, I will want to know the type of occupation that you do, You should note that this project is highly capital intensive.This is why I have to be very careful. I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. I know we have not met before, but I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.

I am now in contact with a foreign online bank. I now intend that you open an account in your name in this foreign bank. The money would be transferred to your account which you will open in the bank for both of us, this is the best way, I have found, it will protect us from my bank.I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. So you should listen to my instructions and follow them religiously. Also you have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name, as my bank will be aware that it is from me. This is where I need you.

As result of this, you will have to open an account in the corresponding bank. I will obtain a certificate of deposit from this my bank, it will be issued in your name. This will make you the bonafide owner of the funds. After this, the money will be banked online for both of us.We can then instruct the bank to transfer our various shares into our respective home bank accounts. I will also perfect the documentations with the assistance of my attorney to give the transaction the legal right.

Before I commence, I will need you to send me a copy of any form of your identification (Driver's license or International passport) and your current address. I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person... As soon as I get these from you, I will commence the paper work.I hope you will understand why I need all these. The money in question is big and I want to ensure that I know you well before I proceed to give you all the details to commence the project. I will also send you my Work ID upon receipt of your identification.

I will send the name and contact details of the bank and their website to you so that you can commence communication with them.Ensure that you keep this project confidential, do not discuss it with anybody,because of the confidential nature of this transaction and my work.

I responded, having faked up an ID that looked broadly similar to my genuine driving licence and then made it look rather worn.

I won't enclose the fake driver's license as it's not really relevant to the affair. He fell for it though and here's his response...

I am in receipt of your mail I thank you for interest and for showing some great responsibility and trust, I must also let you know that I feel comfortable transacting with you especially after your last email with ID, even though we have not had a verbal conversation,please do not let me down. I have sent your details to my attorney who will today put together the perfected paper work to be sent to the bank for the release of the funds,this should take not longer than a day or two.

In this light,I have sent you the contact of the bank so you can contact them and make enquiries on offshore/on-line account opening.I advice you like I said earlier that you open an account with the bank so that once the funds are released, they will be moved striaght into your account and the transfer will not attract the monetary bodies, as the transfer be will seen as in-house.(same telex type with my Bank).You can then transfer the funds in safe bits to your main account for both of us.

I will await an update. Please do make contact with the bank so that the account opening can be fast, I had to remain awake to get the notification about this contact details, you know the time difference.I call you sister so that we both understand that our trust in each other is that of blood brother. God Bless you for your positive resolve to affect our lives.

Well, that's a bit naughty! The name is very Western but the fellow is very Chinese! I had no doubt that this was 100% forged. In fact, at this point I contacted both NatWest and Hang Seng banks with the information.

This is the latest email from NatWest. Sadly it looks as though they're not taking any interest in the matter.

I'm playing the guy along. Thus far I have had two emails plus the original which I had in spam. So far he's given me a fake ID from the Hang Seng bank in Hong Kong and I sent him an equally fake ID to see where he went next. Obviously all the information I'm giving him is utterly false - aside from my PO Box number. The best I can hope for on my own is to waste his time and money in sending me a fake cheque.

> Upon receipt, we can pass the details on to the relevant security department

> National Westminster Bank Plc, Registered in England No. 929027. Registered Office: 135 Bishopsgate, London EC2M 3UR.

> This e-mail message is confidential and for use by the addressee only. If the message is received by anyone other than the addressee, please return the message to the sender by replying to it and then delete the message from your computer.

> Internet e-mails are not necessarily secure. National Westminster Bank Plc does not accept responsibility for changes made to this message after it was sent.

> Whilst all reasonable care has been taken to avoid the transmission of viruses, it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that the onward transmission, opening or use of this message and any attachments will not adversely affect its systems or data. No responsibility is accepted by National Westminster Bank Plc in this regard and the recipient should carry out such virus and other checks as it considers appropriate.

Should you have received any e-mail of a suspicious nature regarding the Bank, please forward it to us via @hangseng.com for our action.

Please be advised that the e-mail which you forwarded to us is dubious. The matter has been reported to the Hong Kong Police for investigation and is being followed up by our Security Department.

I am delighted to hear this from you as soon as you recieve the informations from the bank do act as instructed.

I sent an innocuous acknowledgement and responded to the scammer's Live.com email address, receiving these 3 emails:

This is in reference to your account opening inquisition. Please fill-out the account opening form herewith attached to enable us process your application. The completed form must be submitted along with any legitimate identification copy and a current utility bill copy for the verification of your address.

Submitting the form along with the other requisites should not be regarded as an assurance that your application will be approve by us, the management of NatWest Online Bank reserve every right to abnegate any application if we notice any defect or if the applicant is tied or link with any organisation or group that is ban by the international bodies. Consulate recommendation might be required if we notice any form of irregularities in some cases. If your application is approved after the processing, an opening deposit based on the type of account you wish to hold with NatWest Online Bank must be deposited as your minimum investment and personal surety with the Bank before subsequent transaction can occur with your account; this deposit will be credited into your new account.

The Personal Account is a regular account and the initial opening deposit is £1,020.00 (One Thousand and Twenty Pounds Sterling Only), this amount is required to activate your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month with this Account is £500, 000.00 or the equivalent amount in another currency (Five Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling); and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of one year minimum.

The Business Account is a daily business account and the initial opening deposit is £2,500.00 (Two Thousand and Five Hundred Pounds Sterling), this amount is required to activate your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month with this Account is £2,500, 000.00 or the equivalent amount in another currency (Two Million and Five Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling) and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of five months minimum.

The Checking Account is a daily personal and business account and the initial opening deposit is £4,900.00 or the equivalent amount in another currency (Four Thousand And Nine Hundred Pounds Sterling Only) this amount is required is to activate your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month is unlimited; and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of three months minimum.

The purpose of the Numbered Account is to reduce to a bare minimum, the bank employees who have access to the name of the account holders, it can be both personal and business or ether of the two accounts; the initial opening deposit is £10, 000.00 or the equivalent amount in another currency (Ten Thousand Pounds Sterling Only), this amount is required to activate your new account to a fully operational account; the maximum transfer possible within a month is unlimited and the minimum balance for this account is £5, 000.00 (Five Thousand Pounds Sterling); and With this accounts you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of thirty days. Furthermore we will like you to know that with the Numbered Account you can apply for a loan; and however to be eligible for such benefit with other types of account you most have banked with us for a significant period of time; the time is determined by the type of account you operate with us and the status of your account must not be in RED.

(1.) Applicants must have the initial opening deposit to activate the type of account that he/she desires to operate; activation must take effect not later then nine working days after the submission of the completed Non residential form, otherwise the application will be turned down; thus the account would be terminated.

(4.) The name and address of a next of kin; also stating your relationship with him or her.

We will like you to make a choice on the medium of paying the initial opening deposit to us; be informed that the opening deposit can be sent to us via telegraphic (wire) transfer, the wire transfer would be confirmed and credited into your new account within 3-7 banking days, but however on several occasions our new customers from overseas preferred using faster services such as Money Gram/Western Union which is received and credited on the same day. The services like Money Gram and Western Union apparently are faster for the remittance of such initial opening deposits if an immediate activation of the account is required by the new customer, and such services are still generally accepted in the financial sector by various finance institutions not only in Europe ; hence if you decide to use any of the above mentioned services it will be up to you.

Download, Complete and sign the Non Residential Account application form here with attached and forward it copies (together with any other relevant documents) to the fax or email address shown at the end of the application form. Please include a photocopy of the pages in your passport showing your photo and signature, or a photocopy of your national identity card. For the verification of residency, please also enclose a copy of your utility bill. When you fill out the client profile you allow us to develop a customized investment strategy, and to assign you the adviser best suited to your needs.

When we receive the application form, we will find the right match for you and make sure you are assigned an adviser who will address your goals and generate the best possible results for you. We will also provide you with an account number and a client number. This will be sent to you after your account is fully activated.

Please note that our emails may come a few hours later due to the fact that email correspondences to our numerous customers are queued up and later delivered by our server, we hope you bear with the slight delays whenever they occur.

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Now we're getting to the nitty-gritty – he wants 1020 British pounds. I'll have to see if I can bullshit around that. Anyway, he's not done yet – he has two more emails of this crap...

You are welcome to NatWest Online Bank, so you are to print out the application form then fill with the information you wish to use in opening the account, we will start the processing of your account as soon as we receive the complete fill application form from you also with the initial deposit of the account you have choosen to open with us.

And if there's not enough bullshit there to sink a ship, he sends another load of absolute cobblers. Interestingly, he misses out page 7.

non_resid...JPG (149.9 KB), non_resid...JPG (94.4 KB), non_resid...JPG (34.7 KB)

This Application 7-10 do have it fill and return to enable us start the processing of your wish account, you can get intouch with us round the clock (24hrs) via E-mail, Fax or Phone.

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I am in receipt of your email and feedback,i will advice you keep update with the bank as soon as hear from them do get me updated.

Jesus, won't this guy ever give up? Anyway... I'm wondering who to send this to. Somebody needs to put this turd behind bars.

I was assured by the people at one of the scambaiting forums that with the current legal system, it's not really possible to chase these guys through the law. They operate from Nigeria (this one does anyway) where the rule of law is virtually nill and this kind of operation while not being condoned by the Nigerian government certainly doesn't seem to be stopped by them. There have been dark hints that the influx of stolen cash benefits their ecoonomy.

I thus reisgned myself to a long sojourn as Rachel the prostitute while I get my entertainment from prolonging the correspondance with the Nigerian criminals as long as possible. The sole benefit of doing this aside from entertainment value is that while the guy is wasting his time on me, he's not scamming thousands of others.

I responded to the last email indicating that I was having difficulty with the forms. In fact, since they're cheap JPEG scans of originals (if indeed they are originals – I never bothered to check) it would be rather hard to fill them in to email them off.

My response to this was:

Hi,

I'm still having great difficulty with the forms. Would you do them for me? I'll sleep with you if you do.

Rachel

XXXX

I wonder if I can get the scammer to fall in love with my character and then get him to send a genuine air ticket. That would be sweet revenge, having the scammer waste his own money.

MY RESPONSE‏
From:	Mr. Alexander Flockhart (alexander.flockhart109@yahoo.com.hk)
Sent:	19 September 2008 15:48:54
Reply-to:	alexander.flockhart109@yahoo.com.hk
To:	r sage (removed@removed.com)

Interesting. Now I have to work out some way of avoiding his fraudulant charges – in other words how to prolong his agony without any hassle to me.

He responded with:

Date: Sun, 21 Sep 2008 10:31:17 -0700
From: alexander.flockhart109@yahoo.com.hk
Subject: MY RESPONSE
To: @*removed*.com

Dear Rachel,

I am in receipt of your email and update, please understand i will have to be sure that you can take care of the initial deposit of 1020 GBP which the bank required to get the account active? please let me know how soon you can make this payment to the bank so i can immediately start filling the account application forms.

Do have a nice and wonderful weekend.

Regards,

Your brother and partner,

Mr Alexander Flockhart.

My response to this was:

Hi,

I need the completed application forms back so that I can submit them directly to the bank after checking that you have completed them properly - as I stated in my previous email.

Rachel

Well, he fell for that one....

Date: Mon, 22 Sep 2008 10:06:08 -0700
From:alexander.flockhart109@yahoo.com.hk
Subject: RE: MY RESPONSE
To: @*removed*.com

Dear Rachel,
I understand every thing but i just have to be sure if you are willing to pay the sum of 1020 GBP for the account opening and activation charges. I need answer for this before i can proceed from here.

Regards,

Your brother and partner,

Mr Alexander Flockhart.

為了不斷提升Yahoo! Mail，雅虎香港誠邀你參與意見調查

and my response....

Hi,

I make more than that per hour off my clients! I did not enter into this transaction to be doubted. I am wondering how serious you are about the transaction and whether you're getting cold feet on me.

Rachel

Following this there was 24 hours silence from the guy. I wondered whether he realised he'd been rumbled. Then I received a disjointed email that was really quite bizarre as it doesn't logically flow – it's as though he's missed a page or two in his manual.

Date: Wed, 24 Sep 2008 02:56:04 -0700
From: alexander.flockhart109@yahoo.com.hk
Subject: WHY THIS LONG SILENCE?
To: *removed*@*removed*.com

Dear Rachel,

Greetings, How are you?I hope everything is okay with you ,I have not heard back from you for a couple of days after giving you the offshore bank information,I will need to know if you have contacted the bank also if the account is been ready, please note that every thing perfectly set from my end the only delay now is the offshore account which you are suppose to open for the completion of this transaction.

I would appreciate an urgent response from you regarding this.

Regards,

Alexander A Flockhart.

為了不斷提升Yahoo! Mail，雅虎香港誠邀你參與意見調查

I responded with:

Hi,

I haven't heard anything from you about the offshore bank account. I wonder whether the FBI might have intercepted the email.

Rachel

Interestingly, I've been chatting with a friend from the FBI regarding this email interchange. He stated that he could see the point but reckoned that emails such as this spammer should be treated as a rotten potato and thrown in the trash. He's dead right – there's nothing much to be gained from the interchange. There is now a loose end – he hasn't filled in the forms for me to submit to the “bank”. I guess he's now desperately trying to gloss over this.